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The first group I have ever stanned as a kpop stan turned out to be a fandom full of solo stans/akgaes where the group fandom always get in fight with the solo stans/akgaes. And my fav’s fandom was apparently the most hated solo stans of the fandom.

It was fun at first stanning the group but after getting in the group more and more, I start to realize there were some open-secret icks about someone that like the whole group that also like my fav. “well op likes xx (fav) but she’s also xx(group fan) so safe to say she just hate us (fav’s fandom)” that’s the general “rule” of the fandom. It’s insane now that I think about it bc naturally ofc I would like the group my fav is in? But my fav’s fandom “hate” whoever like the whole group beside liking their fav and they also hate shippers.

Naturally, I want to make friends with people with the same interest of mine, so I made few friends and becoming close with them, one thing I did not know was they hated another member of the same group but they never did it openly. The another member has the same position as my fav and they always think the other member “steals” my fav’s lines ended up my fav with the least line.

At first, I only hate the company for it but after multiple comebacks and talking to my online friends everyday, I grew to hate the other member. I paid attention to every fights in the timeline bc I was nosy only for those to fuel my hate more and more.

Another comeback another songs, I became tired and naturally I’d expecting my fav to get more but same thing again. Same cycle, hating on the company in disguise but throwing secret shades to another member, that’s also what the rest of my fav’s fandom do in their priv accs/tweet circle.

I realized that I wasn’t enjoying this anymore, I never thought becoming a kpop stan would make one so stressful. So I decided to stay away from stan twt and only look forward to comebacks.

The hatred never went away. I don’t enjoy their comebacks anymore. I only think of how much my fav is getting while watching the mv, at one point I don’t even remember how the song sounds like. I start to fasten the song when the other member is on screen.

I started to realize I don’t like my fav anymore. The excitement isn’t there anymore. All I care about is how much gigs he got how much engagements he got how much screen time he got how much line he got. His looks and his voice don’t excite me anymore.

I realized hating another member made me lost interest in my fav.